Well, after talking with a friend online here (you know who you are!) I decided to delete my first post and do it again. Here is the rationale: My first post was obviously not making any sense, as evidenced by the comments I was receiving. Clearly, I did not explain myself well. More importantly, my new friend was able to point out two things that practically made my first post completely useless. One, what I wrote that I was looking for and what I actually WAS looking for were two different things and two, I gave away WAY too much personal information up front. This is the internet after all...you can't be too careful, right?

So, let me try this again.......

I have been out of the BDSM scene for over 4 years. This was just due to life in general, not a conscious choice. I moved halfway across the company, my job was (and is) consuming alot of my time, getting my masters degree at night, etc. However, in the last year, but especially the last 3 or 4 months, it has been at the forefront of my mind and I can't deny that I have been consumed with getting back into the lifestyle again. But there is a twist.....

Let me back up. I used to live in Boston, MA. Born and raised, I lived there until I moved to the Midwest ni 2002. While in Boston, I was fairly heavy into BDSM. I was a Dom, a Master. Over several years I had several submissive women, both in person and online/phone. Most of the subs I had were new to the scene and needed a patient, yet stern, teacher to show them the ropes, to let them decide for themselves if wanted this lifestyle. I would like to think I was an excellent Master.
In 2002, I moved to the Midwest due to a job transfer and fell out of the lifestyle. The move was very difficult for me and I had a rough time adjusting to my new surroundings. My job was very demanding. I had left all my friends and family in Boston. I went into a shell and threw myself into my job.
Flash forward to 2006. I am comfortable here now, I consider it my home. The people are so much more laid back, the cost of living is so much lower and I have made incredible friends. I consider this my home now. The more comfortable I have been getting, the more BDSM has been creeping back into my mind...more and more and more.

There is not even near a BDSM scene out here in Ohio than there was in Boston. The groups I looked at were mostly posers and fakers, guys just trying to get laid and women pretending to be enjoying themselves. It was not a lifestyle or something to be enjoyed, it was a "game." So I have difficulty finding like minded people.....oh yeah, the twist I mentioned earlier??

As I have been thinking more and more about my past in BDSM and where my future might lead me...it is not just being a Master. It is also being a submissive. Which is TOTALLY new to me.

My friend whom I mention at the start of this blog, made me realize that I may be a Switch. Something I never envisioned myself being. I was always Dom. Where did this yearning for submission come into play? Why did it come into play??

How hard is it to find a Mistress to serve? I know how to look for and find a right submissive. But I have no idea how to find a Mistress. Will this only remain a fantasy?

So many questions, so little answers.