Being a dom comes much more easily and naturally to me than being a submissive. Hell, I have never really even BEEN submissive in a relationship. Maybe that is why I want to explore it and be submissive to a dominating, forceful, cruel, sensual Mistress. It is something to explore, the unknown, it is going against what comes natural for me. There is a certain attraction in trying something that does not come naturally. That is why people get such a rush sky diving or bungee jumping - it is not something that is not natural.

I know I am a good Dom. I have had submissives in the past, both online and in person. I have trained with other Doms before to learn techniques and styles and then blended them into my own unique blend. I could go into this for pages and maybe this is another post to do someday. I have to remember to keep in track in my thoughts - I too easily jump from topic to topic and before I know it, my intended message is completely obscured.

But would I be a good Submissive? Could I be trained to be compliant to the will of another? Or would I be difficult to train, always pulling against my natural instinct to dom and pushing back against the will of my Mistress.
Case in point: I was dating a woman who seemed very vanilla. Attractive, sweet, fun to be around. The sex was good. Not mind blowing crazy but not boring either. It was not a Dom/Submissive relationship, but I was clearly leading the way in the bedroom. As time went on and she got more comfortable, she started to push back against me....she wanted to be in charge. She began telling me to shut up if I was talking dirty to her and would say "Less talk, fuck me harder". If I tried to pin her hands over her head, she would resist. If I tried to take control and flip her into a different position, she would rebel and flip me over and get on top of me. At first, I was too surprised, and turned on, to do much about it. She was taking more and more control.....slapping my ass as I fucked her, telling me where and when to cum on her, telling me what position to fuck her. If I would push back, she would push me down and mount me, controlling me from the top. It got to the point where she would tell me that this fucking session was all about her and she would let me fuck her until I made her cum hard...then she would push me off and roll over. Usually, I didn't even cum because I was so intent on pleasing her. But I fought her every step of the way. I never truly submitted to her and let her take control. I fought and pushed and rebelled against her taking control, even while it turned me on immensely. After she would go to sleep, I would jerk off beside her, thinking about how hot it was that she was controlling ME.

The point is...why didn't I just submit?? If even submitting a little turned me on so much, why did I fight it? Was fighting her what turned me on? Or was it that she was controlling me?

I don't know. Maybe I needed a stronger personality to truly take control and MAKE me submit. Or maybe I can't give up complete control like a submissive needs to do.

Either way, I need to find out.